My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
