Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
