Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
