I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize