I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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