He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
