just come out here and I will go home with you...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I want is dick and wine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
