You can't motorboat a personality
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
