im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
