You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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