did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
