I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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