I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
