Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
