I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
