Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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