moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
