I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
