Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
