took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
