Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
