she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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