i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
