before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
