Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
