My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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