I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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