I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
