Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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