i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize