Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
