Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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