then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Found the puke drawer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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