In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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