I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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