Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
