Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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