Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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