dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
