Moan for me like Helen Keller
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
