I just saw a hot homeless man
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
