You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pooping to opera.
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