we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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