How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
