Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
