It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
40s are totally the cure
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
