is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I would fuck him just for his dog
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
