I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
