Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
