May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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