If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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