Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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