ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
