This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
