I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
