If i come over, it means nothing
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
