u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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