The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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