She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize