i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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