Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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