I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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