I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
